So wacked that even Rod Dreher at BeliefNet is going "dude, that's wacked"

[solarbird]

Remember Conservapedia, the repository of nuttcakery run out of Phyllis Schlafly's son Andy Schlafly's basement? They're making their own Bible, because the current one is too liberal. No, I'm not making that up, even if the link is down for the moment because they're being hammered. You can still read this article over here, wherein even BeliefNet is giggling at them.

Seriously, the layers of irony here are too thick to contemplate. You just have to stand back in awe and giggle. That said, hey, every good sect needs its own holy book, so why not? Theoconservatives, I say go for it.

(h/t: Sullivan)

Comments

[cow.livejournal.com]

lulz all I have to say is Revelation 22:18-19 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%2022:18-19&version=KJV). good luck with that, nutbars!

[solarbird]

Look, I would normally never, ever, say, "Go read Rod Dreher's column," but in this case? He lists their "ten guidelines" and omg just read them.

[cow.livejournal.com]

I did! It made me go "omg crazies" even more (and confirmed the reference I made above, which is why I made it). Real Christians do not edit their holy Scripture; it's just One of Those Things. Plus I love the contradictory nature of some of the goals, so, well, glwt crazies

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Actually, Christians have been editing the Bible for thousands of years... (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03274a.htm) they're just fairly unique in ALSO claiming it's the inerrant word of God.

[cow.livejournal.com]

This is also true! And no less amusing. I have always been particularly fond that Pope Athanasius chose to add and delete various texts, and then end said chosen canon with the verses I quoted above. :3

[hugh-mannity.livejournal.com]

Of these three sources of errors, the last introduces the largest error, and the biggest component of that error is liberal bias. Large reductions in this error can be attained simply by retranslating the KJV into modern English.

Double Yew Tee Eff? The KJV is full of literal errors and contemporary bias.

A translation of a translation is only going to introduce more errors.

[shadesofmauve]

Oh, dear. *giggles*

Also love the craziness at your OBJECTIVE link. Especially this...

"Any message you read claiming to be from Jim Carlson or any other OBJECTIVE: Ministries member that contains vulgarities, sexual innuendo, bad poetry, or other un-Christian sentiments is to be considered a FRAUD and ignored."

Using our friend the elipsis - "Any message...that contains...bad poetry...or other un-Christian sentiments"

I had no idea bad poetry was so unchristian! I always thought it had something to do with content.

Of course, what kind of content, sects can never agree on.

[l33tminion]

Objective Ministries is a parody. I think it might actually be run by the same people who run Landover Baptist.

[solarbird]

Hey, I'm just tryin' to help. ^_^

[shadesofmauve]

I couldn't tell -- Poe's law in action, once again.

[l33tminion]

Is that serious, or a parody? Either way, sounds funny.

American Republican Christians have been worshiping Republican ideology in lieu of all that Jesus stuff for years. They deserve a holy book that more accurately represents their views.

[solarbird]

Conservabible? Completely serious. Objective Ministries? Not as much.

[kvogel.livejournal.com]

I'd heard about this a while back, but this is the first for details of how whack they are about it.
And while they may claim a "simple" more conservative language edition, the likely outcome will be more a complete rewrite, creating a perverse monster that they can then embrace more comfortably as a full on hate of everyone else.

[stickmaker.livejournal.com]

I know one part they'll leave out:

"Do not trust the written or spoken word, but think for yourselves."

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhh, I know a lot more parts than that they'll have to leave out. Like "That which you do to the least of my brethren, you do to Me."

[rmd.livejournal.com]

schism-tastic.

[phillipalden.livejournal.com]

The current Bible is "too liberal?"

What are they going to do, remove the New Testament?

[403.livejournal.com]

The Hebrew Scriptures have their moments, even when read literally. The prohibition on charging interest originates there. Every 50 years, all debts were forgiven (Jubilee). Every 7th year, agriculture was forbidden, and the produce of the earth was *free* to whoever needed it (Sabbatical). Redistribution of wealth is written in from the start.

Although, the idea of American "conservatives" becoming Karites is amusing...

[phillipalden.livejournal.com]

It's funny. I've never read the Torah, but among the "holy books" I've read Lao Tzu (Taoism) and the Koran, (as well as the (King James) Bible.)

Aside from Lao Tzu, (and other lesser known spiritual books,) the Koran seemed the most "enlightened." It's a shame so many people misinterpret the text.

But it has been a while, and maybe there were things I've forgotten.

My partner is Jewish but his family is "non-observant."

[403.livejournal.com]

Nifty. Well-read people are rare.

The Torah is a very ambiguous source. So every religion that draws from it needs some lens through which to interpret the original scripture. For the Jews, it's the Oral Torah, backed up by nearly two thousand years of rabbinic scholarship. (I don't know what the Karites use - they reject rabbinic authority and anything that looks like it.) Christians and Muslims, of course, use their additional holy texts.

If you ever want to read the original, the book you're looking for is called a Chumash. The text there comes with vowels and cantillation marks, and often an English translation. :)

[phillipalden.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the pointer.

[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

Well, to clarify, they're working on their own translation. Which is definitely not unusual. :)

[solarbird]

Except their translation isn't. They aren't working from original sources in any coherent way, they're working from KJV and doing things like removing "socialist" terms like "labourer" and "government."

Seriously, their page is back up, go look. It's a riot.

[batyatoon]

This is what I was going to say, but yeah -- it's more of an agenda-laden revision of an existing translation rather than going back to the source and retranslating.

[mtext.livejournal.com]

Apparently they actually *did* have someone with a working knowledge of Hebrew and Greek, but they scared her away (http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Conservapedia:The_Conservative_Bible_Project#Progress_.28or_lack_thereof.29) some months ago.

[spazzkat.livejournal.com]

"Faith, hope and charity" to become "faith, hop and fuck you I got mine."

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Is it wrong that I love this turn of phrase?

[wildshadowstar.livejournal.com]

I am totally amazed at the stupidity of this. I imagine that some people in my family who are more conservative than I am would still be awe-struck at such a move, and not in a good way.

[batyatoon]

I've just read the original page and oh dear dear dear.

My favorite part (*admits bias*) was where they cite the Jewish scholar to demonstrate that the adulteress passage is inauthentic.

[denelian.livejournal.com]

to be perfectly fair, Jesus was a *total* Leftie and Liberal - and we all know where the term "communist" came from, no? from the followers of Jesus living "communally", and sharing everything together?


i often wonder why conservatives* even *TRY* to be Christian - it is the exact opposite of what they are.


*by which i mean the definition of conservative as used today in American politics, which holds almost no relation to the *actual* definition of "conservative"