The other five models
Nov. 16th, 2006 08:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solarbirdSo, in the latest Battlestar Galactica we find out that the seven Cylon models we've seen - out of a total of twelve - don't like to talk about the other five, and that this is related to why we haven't seen them.
Frankly, I think that tells us all we need to know.
I now present unknown Cylon models 1-5. These are, of course, somewhat hypothetical, and are (as we know) not the final number designations. However, I think I've got a strong case for general accuracy based on the above comments, and at least ten minutes of Google search.
Cylon Model 1:
A.K.A. model B-9. Unstable, but not in the way they wanted; prone to wheeling about shouting, "DANGER! DANGER! MY ARMS ARE FLAILING UNCONTROLLABLY! DANGER!" Also showed an inexplicable fondness for the guitar.
Cylon Model 2:
Records show that the Review Committee said simply, "Oh, fuck no," and that all individuals involved were immediately boxed.
Cylon Model 3:
A.K.A. "Kryten," a.k.a. "Jazz FM," this model insisted that it wanted to help destroy humanity. However, it could be terminally distracted by atypically sexy washer/dryer machines. This model was not a complete failure, however; model 3(b), a more-refined variant, would later become the template for the models we now know:
However, as this model was - and we quote the records here - "an unremitting jackass who thinks he's all better than us," this iteration was abandoned.
Cylon Model 4:
Bite my SHINY CYLON ASS.
Not much else to say about that one, really.
Cylon Model 5:
As far as historians can determine, all blueprints, notes, model descriptions, and references were destroyed immediately following power-up. The only surviving recording - a badly-damaged fragment - appears to be from the first test of this unit:
No other records survive. We can only presume that this is for the best.
Frankly, I think that tells us all we need to know.
I now present unknown Cylon models 1-5. These are, of course, somewhat hypothetical, and are (as we know) not the final number designations. However, I think I've got a strong case for general accuracy based on the above comments, and at least ten minutes of Google search.
Cylon Model 1:
A.K.A. model B-9. Unstable, but not in the way they wanted; prone to wheeling about shouting, "DANGER! DANGER! MY ARMS ARE FLAILING UNCONTROLLABLY! DANGER!" Also showed an inexplicable fondness for the guitar.
Cylon Model 2:
Records show that the Review Committee said simply, "Oh, fuck no," and that all individuals involved were immediately boxed.
Cylon Model 3:
A.K.A. "Kryten," a.k.a. "Jazz FM," this model insisted that it wanted to help destroy humanity. However, it could be terminally distracted by atypically sexy washer/dryer machines. This model was not a complete failure, however; model 3(b), a more-refined variant, would later become the template for the models we now know:
However, as this model was - and we quote the records here - "an unremitting jackass who thinks he's all better than us," this iteration was abandoned.
Cylon Model 4:
Bite my SHINY CYLON ASS.
Not much else to say about that one, really.
Cylon Model 5:
As far as historians can determine, all blueprints, notes, model descriptions, and references were destroyed immediately following power-up. The only surviving recording - a badly-damaged fragment - appears to be from the first test of this unit:
Unknown Speaker: Be-de-be-de-be-de-be-de-By Your Command, Buck....which is followed immediately by the sound of explosions.
Centurion: THAT THING MUST DIE!
No other records survive. We can only presume that this is for the best.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 06:07 pm (UTC)Here I was expecting a very serious discussion about Cylon society....
Thanks for cheering up my morning!
Mind if I link to this in my LJ?
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 06:19 pm (UTC)Humour is surprise in drag. ^_^
Mind if I link to this in my LJ?
Nah, go for it.