The other five models

[solarbird]

So, in the latest Battlestar Galactica we find out that the seven Cylon models we've seen - out of a total of twelve - don't like to talk about the other five, and that this is related to why we haven't seen them.

Frankly, I think that tells us all we need to know.

I now present unknown Cylon models 1-5. These are, of course, somewhat hypothetical, and are (as we know) not the final number designations. However, I think I've got a strong case for general accuracy based on the above comments, and at least ten minutes of Google search.

Cylon Model 1:


A.K.A. model B-9. Unstable, but not in the way they wanted; prone to wheeling about shouting, "DANGER! DANGER! MY ARMS ARE FLAILING UNCONTROLLABLY! DANGER!" Also showed an inexplicable fondness for the guitar.

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Cylon Model 2:


Records show that the Review Committee said simply, "Oh, fuck no," and that all individuals involved were immediately boxed.

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Cylon Model 3:


A.K.A. "Kryten," a.k.a. "Jazz FM," this model insisted that it wanted to help destroy humanity. However, it could be terminally distracted by atypically sexy washer/dryer machines. This model was not a complete failure, however; model 3(b), a more-refined variant, would later become the template for the models we now know:


However, as this model was - and we quote the records here - "an unremitting jackass who thinks he's all better than us," this iteration was abandoned.

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Cylon Model 4:


Bite my SHINY CYLON ASS.

Not much else to say about that one, really.

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Cylon Model 5:


As far as historians can determine, all blueprints, notes, model descriptions, and references were destroyed immediately following power-up. The only surviving recording - a badly-damaged fragment - appears to be from the first test of this unit:

Unknown Speaker: Be-de-be-de-be-de-be-de-By Your Command, Buck.
Centurion: THAT THING MUST DIE!

...which is followed immediately by the sound of explosions.

No other records survive. We can only presume that this is for the best.

Comments

[ravyngyngvar.livejournal.com]

As a matter of fact, as a Norwegian, I'd say that "Lost in Space" and "Buck Rogers" are probably more obscure than "The Black Hole." At least the latter had a theatrical run here, and it *was* Disney. Pretty much all I know about Buck Rogers is that it is what Duck Dodgers is supposed to be a satire of.

And that solarbird was flung into a state of uncontrollable fury when she saw the above mentioned #5 in the Science Fiction museum.

I saw a DVD of the *old* BSG a short while ago -- recut from the first three episodes if I understood annathepiper correctly. Would the robot dog or whatever it was fit in here?

[solarbird]

That wasn't uncontrollable fury. That was mild disdain, with a trace of indignation. Just a smattering. For actual uncontrollable fury... well, spazzkat showed me a 1970s Buck Rogers episode a few years ago and that Centurion's line popped out of my mouth the second that thing came on screen and started slobbering out its unholy malformed "words."

Also, the original Buck Rogers goes back 'way before that incarnation - it was a 1930s movie serial, and was even based originally on a book called, um.... Armageddon 2238 or something like that. Armageddon N, where 2100<N<2400. I actually have a copy. It's a piece of its era, but not bad given that.