Attention all Pacific Northwest Gardeners, Plants, and many Birds:

[solarbird]

Many of you Cascadian plants, birds, and gardeners may have awakened today to see the bright blue sky with only scattered clouds, the sunlight, and the slightly warmer temperatures. Many of you may have looked at this grand spectacle and thought, 'Oh! Look! Why, it's March, arrived early!'

DO NOT BE MISLED!

This is not, in fact, a Genuine March^TM! It is an imitation March, a desultory copy destined to take your early sproutings and nip them in the bud! If you think you may be in possession of such an imitation March, please check for these following trademarks:

• Pre-7AM dawn
  
• 12-hour or near-12-hour days
  
• Expired ticket to this year's Flower and Garden Show. Note the key word: expired. One you haven't used yet does not count!
  
• Noon sun above the roofline of the house to your south.
  
• Older, smarter trees than you just now starting to wake up.

If you do not see these trademarks on your March, do not be fooled! You do not have a Genuine March^TM! You merely have a Disingenuous January, and risk running afoul of insufficient light, cold snaps, freezes, and possibly even snow! Remember: Take only Genuine, Astronomically-Verified March^TM for your spring growth! Genuine March^TM - Accept no substitutes!

This message brought to you by the War Against All Blackberries In My Back Yard, with assistance from the Genuine March^TM Advisory Board. Genuine March^TM: It's Better Than January.

Comments

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

I wanna hire a flock of goats to get rid of our blackberries. OK, they'd probably get rid of everything ELSE as well, but since we have more blackberries and other assorted Bad Things back there than good (two lavender plants and some rosemary, probably moveable), I don't see that as a big problem.

[epawtows.livejournal.com]

This time of year isn't bad for pulling up blackberries: the ground is soft enough that you can get most of the roots.

Wear leather gloves.

[solarbird]

Doing exactly that is what spawned this post.

The bastards tore one of my leather gloves, too. AND attacked my face. Fucking blackberries. DEATH TO ALL BLACKBERRIES!

[dpawtows.livejournal.com]

I see a need for a bad horror movie featuring undead evil blackberry vines grabbing at faces.

[solarbird]

They had, in fact, been cut down by then. I was putting them into the yard waste bins. Bastards!

Hopefully I am not now a were-blackberry. :(

[kissare.livejournal.com]

Terrifying yet tasty? Could be harvested for pie by the full moon. Hmm...

[stickmaker.livejournal.com]

Actually, those (real blackberries, I mean) are one of the plants I chose for terraforming a new world in a novel I'm working on.

[nimbrethil.livejournal.com]

I would LOVE to have blackberries. Just send the whole thing my way, I know how to deal with it. =P

[solarbird]

Himalayan blackberries?

[nimbrethil.livejournal.com]

Er, well, of course! What the hell are you, some kind of blackberry hater?


*runs to look up himalayan blackberries*

[solarbird]

Maybe they'd be controllable in Montana. Around here, they're an aggressive, noxious weed, crowding out the native blackberry. They also have wicked thorns, one of which sliced a nice inch-long gash in my leather gloves. They have reasonable fruit, but not as tasty as that of other blackberry varieties.