Suckoff II, Part II: Battlefield Earth

[solarbird]

First, the raw numbers:

Slow-mo count: 20 (Note: multiple flashback sequences in a single scene continuity count only as one.)
Screenwipes: 20 (All. The. Same. Kind.) (Stop inexplicably halfway through after constant use earlier. Anybody know why? Did they change directors mid-movie? Did they just say "ah, fukit?" until the last two at the end?)
Screenwipes WITH inexplicable slo-mo: 1
Flashbacks: 2
Tiny, weird flashback: 1
Screams of NOOOOOOO! (from film): 4
Screams of NOOOOOOO! (or similar, from audience): 1
Instances of Kang-and-Kodos-like laughter: 7
Emphasis echo of lines: 3
Things randomly on fire: 1
"Never marry a Greener": 1
"THEY'RE KILLING US!": 1
"We're not gonna make it!": 1
Alien ships shaped like "Male" astrological symbol: 1
Discovered air-force airbases still functioning after nearly 1000 years: 1
Discovered nuclear warheads still functioning after nearly 1000 years: 1
Inexplicable alien midgets: 1
Borrowed pieces of Klingon headgear: 2
Hair styles stolen from Rick of The Young Ones: 1
Methods of shipping stolen l00t, cribbed from the Rat Pack: 1
Scenes done better in The Matrix: 1
Scenes done better in every other film ever made: Several
Audience cruelty to cat (by lying about quality of film): 1
Apparent Hubbard hate-on for the city of Denver, Colorado: 1

Level camera shots (CG): 3
Level shots (real): 1 All the rest were at sharp angles. Almost the entire film was shot in tilt-o-vision. Seriously, WTF?
Women on screen (real): 2
Women on screen (alien, servile): 1

Now, the votes:

The winner, or perhaps loser, by unanimous and vigourous vote: Battlefield Earth. The only place it was even tied was number of intentionally funny moments: Mosquito's television reporter named Alan Smithee; Battlefield Earth's, "We can't possibly have flown over all these lines without seeing at least one of them!"

In fact, the consensus is that of all the films we have seen so far in this series, Battlefield Earth is the worst. We now have an argument ongoing over whether Battlefield Earth is actually worse than Event Horizon; our EH viewing was in a theatre, where its neurotoxic effects were much more strongly emphasised. It's possible that BE, in theatre, would have had similar impact - but we can't know that without a second viewing, and I assure you, that won't be happening.

I personally found a strange effect in that I was the only one of the panel (kathrynt, spazzkat, annathepiper, myself) who felt more neural damage from Mosquito than Battlefield Earth. I can't explain that. Perhaps I was stunned completely enough by the first film that I hit a lower limit in possible damage without unconsciousness.

I do know one thing, though. I now feel extra good about having made clam jokes in the Norwescon newsletter when John Travolta showed up to do autographs. ^_^