![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solarbirdDespite many promises it would do so, I'm afraid that On Deadly Ground did not exceed Event Horizon in badness overall, or, for that matter, the Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie, Alien Express, which was today's specific point of comparison. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
annathepiper, under the influence of sweet, sweet Percocet, declared the two a tie; I dissented.
However, I am able to say that it is more contemptable than any of these other examples of movie hell, in that it basically wants you to root for a mass-murdering ecoterrorist conspiracy-freak version of Erik Rudolph. We even get the Hundred Mile Carburetor! It also seized the Biggest Mary Sue (or Gary Stu, in this case) trophy away from William "Ego Smurf" Shatner's Star Trek V: Look at Kirk's Hot, Hot Ass; you could actually hear the distant sound of fapping every time characters started rambling on about the unstoppable machine who is "Forrest Taft." Alien Express just wasn't as contemptible - oh, except for the marvelously horrifying scene where a character rattled off all the bad excuses Nazis offered up as reasons why the lead wasn't actually at fault for Unexplained Bad Things that went down in Kuwait, up to and including "you were only following orders!" Perhaps there was intended irony, but if so, it did not, in fact, make it on screen.
Tho' really, the surprising part was how many commonalities existed between On Deadly Ground and Alien Express. Ecoterrorist freak? Check! Inexplicably exploding enemies and other gratuitous fire? Check! Pointless quips falling flat? Check, tho' point to Alien Express for having so many that were so bad it felt like passing kidney stones. Trains (either present or in musical soundtrack invocation)? Check! Desperate need to leap over a chasm? Check! Endlessly pointless scenes with helicopters? Check! Utter inability to pace a scene? Check! Hero who turns out to have had SEKRIT MILITARY TRAINING and a dark past with it? Check! Bad toupees? Check! Cavalcades of accidental sexual double-entendre? Check-PLUS! The token black guy gets it? Oh yeah. And more!spazzkat and kathrynt simultaneously suggested that between these two movies, we may in fact be approaching a Unified Field Theory of Suck.
Regardless, while it is definitively a contender, I can't put On Deadly Ground as the worst movie ever made, or even that I've ever seen. That's still Event Horizon. (Modulo, of course, the one-off freakfest known as Manos: The Hands of Fate, which, honestly, is barely a movie - and which, disturbingly, Alien Express riffed on, hopefully accidentally.)
I did, at least, get the first of these three display racks mostly made while this was on. It's slow work, and boring, too, bending all these old wire coat hangers into newsletter issue holders - but it's getting there, at least, and as such things go, it's cheap.
Now if I can just get the latest article work I've had sprung on me done - I don't really mind, it's more money, but it's the third time I've written this same article - I can let myself start to think that I'm making some headway here!
And here, have a flower; this picture was taken in a yard about a mile's walk away, north, during a walk trying to find a park but taking a wrong turn:
Untitled
annathepiper, under the influence of sweet, sweet Percocet, declared the two a tie; I dissented.However, I am able to say that it is more contemptable than any of these other examples of movie hell, in that it basically wants you to root for a mass-murdering ecoterrorist conspiracy-freak version of Erik Rudolph. We even get the Hundred Mile Carburetor! It also seized the Biggest Mary Sue (or Gary Stu, in this case) trophy away from William "Ego Smurf" Shatner's Star Trek V: Look at Kirk's Hot, Hot Ass; you could actually hear the distant sound of fapping every time characters started rambling on about the unstoppable machine who is "Forrest Taft." Alien Express just wasn't as contemptible - oh, except for the marvelously horrifying scene where a character rattled off all the bad excuses Nazis offered up as reasons why the lead wasn't actually at fault for Unexplained Bad Things that went down in Kuwait, up to and including "you were only following orders!" Perhaps there was intended irony, but if so, it did not, in fact, make it on screen.
Tho' really, the surprising part was how many commonalities existed between On Deadly Ground and Alien Express. Ecoterrorist freak? Check! Inexplicably exploding enemies and other gratuitous fire? Check! Pointless quips falling flat? Check, tho' point to Alien Express for having so many that were so bad it felt like passing kidney stones. Trains (either present or in musical soundtrack invocation)? Check! Desperate need to leap over a chasm? Check! Endlessly pointless scenes with helicopters? Check! Utter inability to pace a scene? Check! Hero who turns out to have had SEKRIT MILITARY TRAINING and a dark past with it? Check! Bad toupees? Check! Cavalcades of accidental sexual double-entendre? Check-PLUS! The token black guy gets it? Oh yeah. And more!
spazzkat and kathrynt simultaneously suggested that between these two movies, we may in fact be approaching a Unified Field Theory of Suck.Regardless, while it is definitively a contender, I can't put On Deadly Ground as the worst movie ever made, or even that I've ever seen. That's still Event Horizon. (Modulo, of course, the one-off freakfest known as Manos: The Hands of Fate, which, honestly, is barely a movie - and which, disturbingly, Alien Express riffed on, hopefully accidentally.)
I did, at least, get the first of these three display racks mostly made while this was on. It's slow work, and boring, too, bending all these old wire coat hangers into newsletter issue holders - but it's getting there, at least, and as such things go, it's cheap.
Now if I can just get the latest article work I've had sprung on me done - I don't really mind, it's more money, but it's the third time I've written this same article - I can let myself start to think that I'm making some headway here!
And here, have a flower; this picture was taken in a yard about a mile's walk away, north, during a walk trying to find a park but taking a wrong turn:
Untitled
