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solarbirdTheta Reaches Zero
Universe Ends
Probability waves across the country collapsed today as theta stopped approaching and finally reached zero. Asked about the changes likely to be produced by suddenly deterministic subatomic interactions, Stephen Hawking said, "I don't know, I'm too busy working on my new single with my partner Doomsday to give a rat's ass." He then popped a cap into our reporter's butt and told that punk to get the f**k out of his crib before the bleeding stained his carpet.
Outbreaks of simultaneously alive and dead cats have also been reported at kennels across the country.
Former Fan-Editor Explodes in Burst of Flame
GAFIAting Apparently No Cure
Formerly well-known fan editor Harlan Ellison exploded spontaneously outside his Southern California home today in a burst of impotent, but amusing, rage. Neighbours reported some form of incohent ranting to have preceeded the outburst, followed directly by an explosion, and a general scattering of shredded paper and meat across the area.
Sources say that Ellison had acted on doctor's advice and attempted to prevent this income by "GAFIAting," or Getting Away From It All, having blacked out previously from a fury brought on by seeing one too damn many extra, commas.
Surplus of Apostrophes Breaks Software
Fanzine not published; postal service, fandom indifferent
A surplus of apostrophies in the credits list stopped publication of the at-convention newsletter for 14 hours today as editors frantically attempted to download patches from Adobe, and alternate fonts from any web site they could find. "We even tried making them into graphics," said K'i'll'ian'd'ra S'i'tagta. "Nothing worked. First Garamond Antiqua would start printing out as Ariel Black, then we'd start picking up Russian television on the monitor, and the next thing you know - boom! Printer innards everywhere."
The group also attempted to ask the Klingon Language Institute for aid, but spokesman ho'LFiE'f'rk reported that no message had been received on their end. "I dunno, maybe their email bounced. We've been having a hell of a problem with the WiFi. Everything keeps turning into Japanese or something."
Nippon2007, when contacted, kindly responded that they had no comment, but thanked us profusely for asking.
Overheard
"I know it's too damn long. Just footnote it John Galt. The Libertarians will love it."
Klingons!
Klingons are always funny
Klingons! Klingons, Klingons, klingons, Klingons? Klingons! K-K-K-K-K-K-Klingons! Kling, klingON, KLINGon, KLING kling KLING kling KLING kling kling kling kling kling ON! KLINGON!
Hoax Zine "A" and "B" Issues Announced
Thought to be actual issues, hoax zine confuses everyone
Noreascon 4 members reacted with confusion to the revelation that two issues of the at-convention newsletter Battlefield Earth Kazoo - marked "a" and "b" - were, in fact, hoaxes. "I did wonder why they kept moving programme items to floor 'two prime' in the convention centre," said one fan, "but I thought I just couldn't figure out the escalators." Several other fans reported that it made little difference, really. "I thought they were all hoax issues. You mean, they weren't?"
At the Sunday business meeting, serious and constructive fans - both of them - responded with outrage. "People passed a zone system thanks to a prank like this! We came within six votes of giving voting status to cats again this year, thanks to an article written by these jerks. These editors need to pay more attention to what they're writing! Or at least for god's sake make it funnier."
Universe Ends
Probability waves across the country collapsed today as theta stopped approaching and finally reached zero. Asked about the changes likely to be produced by suddenly deterministic subatomic interactions, Stephen Hawking said, "I don't know, I'm too busy working on my new single with my partner Doomsday to give a rat's ass." He then popped a cap into our reporter's butt and told that punk to get the f**k out of his crib before the bleeding stained his carpet.
Outbreaks of simultaneously alive and dead cats have also been reported at kennels across the country.
Former Fan-Editor Explodes in Burst of Flame
GAFIAting Apparently No Cure
Formerly well-known fan editor Harlan Ellison exploded spontaneously outside his Southern California home today in a burst of impotent, but amusing, rage. Neighbours reported some form of incohent ranting to have preceeded the outburst, followed directly by an explosion, and a general scattering of shredded paper and meat across the area.
Sources say that Ellison had acted on doctor's advice and attempted to prevent this income by "GAFIAting," or Getting Away From It All, having blacked out previously from a fury brought on by seeing one too damn many extra, commas.
Surplus of Apostrophes Breaks Software
Fanzine not published; postal service, fandom indifferent
A surplus of apostrophies in the credits list stopped publication of the at-convention newsletter for 14 hours today as editors frantically attempted to download patches from Adobe, and alternate fonts from any web site they could find. "We even tried making them into graphics," said K'i'll'ian'd'ra S'i'tagta. "Nothing worked. First Garamond Antiqua would start printing out as Ariel Black, then we'd start picking up Russian television on the monitor, and the next thing you know - boom! Printer innards everywhere."
The group also attempted to ask the Klingon Language Institute for aid, but spokesman ho'LFiE'f'rk reported that no message had been received on their end. "I dunno, maybe their email bounced. We've been having a hell of a problem with the WiFi. Everything keeps turning into Japanese or something."
Nippon2007, when contacted, kindly responded that they had no comment, but thanked us profusely for asking.
Overheard
"I know it's too damn long. Just footnote it John Galt. The Libertarians will love it."
Klingons!
Klingons are always funny
Klingons! Klingons, Klingons, klingons, Klingons? Klingons! K-K-K-K-K-K-Klingons! Kling, klingON, KLINGon, KLING kling KLING kling KLING kling kling kling kling kling ON! KLINGON!
Hoax Zine "A" and "B" Issues Announced
Thought to be actual issues, hoax zine confuses everyone
Noreascon 4 members reacted with confusion to the revelation that two issues of the at-convention newsletter Battlefield Earth Kazoo - marked "a" and "b" - were, in fact, hoaxes. "I did wonder why they kept moving programme items to floor 'two prime' in the convention centre," said one fan, "but I thought I just couldn't figure out the escalators." Several other fans reported that it made little difference, really. "I thought they were all hoax issues. You mean, they weren't?"
At the Sunday business meeting, serious and constructive fans - both of them - responded with outrage. "People passed a zone system thanks to a prank like this! We came within six votes of giving voting status to cats again this year, thanks to an article written by these jerks. These editors need to pay more attention to what they're writing! Or at least for god's sake make it funnier."
